Swear Wars
by crematosis
Summary: For them, everything was a competition, even washing the car. Rated M for language and sexual content.


L had done many strange things in the past

L had done many strange things in the past. One particular moment, fresh in Light's mind, was the time when L declared that nothing except cheesecake could come between him and the case. But now, L had declared that the whole task force was to take time off from the case and help him wash his car. L had mentioned that he was sending Watari to meet a foreign ambassador and it wouldn't do if he arrived in a less than pristine car.

The whole task force had complained, with Light the most vocal dissenter. L finally cut off any objections by assigning the whole task force a 5 percent chance of being Kira. This of course, raised Light's percentage to 25.

With a lot of grumbling, a bucket was dragged into the driveway and filled with soapy water. L handed out a bright pink sponge to everyone and assigned each investigator to a certain part of the car. Soichiro was instructed to stay inside and look for directions to the ambassador's house, being careful to locate several alternate routes for safety's sake.

Light's volatile temper was pushed to the limit when L announced that Light had missed a spot.

"You're being a twat," Light growled.

L looked slightly offended, but considering how little emotion he usually showed, he must have been absolutely scandalized. "I beg your pardon?"

"This is bullshit, Ryuuzaki."

"Raito-kun," L warned.

"You've got to be smoking something if you think this is normal. Take your damn car to the carwash, asshole."

L rubbed his hands together in glee. "This is more like it. I knew Raito-kun would one day reveal how bitchy he truly is."

"Fag," Light growled.

"Faggot," L corrected.

"Same difference, dickhead."

"Penis breath."

"Bastard."

"Bitch."

The rest of the task force paused and watched the two geniuses cuss each other out. After all, this was a lot more fun than scrubbing bird crap off the windshield.

Light leaned casually over the hood of the car and fixed L with the evil eye. L slouched on the other side of the car, staring at Light intently.

"Dumbass," Light growled.

L cocked his head to one side and chewed the tip of his thumb. He murmured something that Light didn't catch.

"What did you say?" Light challenged.

L leaned over the hood of the car and whispered in Light's ear.

Light paled. "Oh."

L smiled faintly. "I seem to have won the battle of wits."

Before L could straighten up, Light slugged him hard. L slid off the hood and rolled onto cement.

Light stormed around to the other side of the car and smirked down at L. "What's the matter, Ryuuzaki? Cat got your tongue?"

L kicked Light right in the kneecap and the boy fell down onto the pavement with him.

Matsuda stood by, anxiously wringing his hands, debating with himself over whether he should interfere.

After a lot of rolling around on the ground fighting, kicking, punching, and almost choking each other, Light had L pinned to the ground. Light grinned darkly. "Looks like I win this round. And I'm going to take advantage of the position I've got you in now."

L glared at him. "And what is that supposed to mean?"

Light pinned L's arms above his head and ground his knee into L's crotch, earning a hiss from the dark-haired detective.

"Let me think about it," Light purred. Straddling L's waist, he slipped off the detective's shirt and ran his nails down L's chest. L's pained whimper was intoxicating.

"Hey-hey, knock it off!" Matsuda burst out, waving his hands wildly.

Light fixed him with a withering glare and bit hard on L's collarbone. L cried out and his back arched upwards off the ground. "Don't, Raito-kun," L whispered thinly.

Matsuda bit his knuckles and fluttered about nervously before finally making up his mind. He would get Soichiro's help. Matsuda dashed inside to look for the chief.

L's dark anguished eyes met Light's. Light smirked at him. "You know what I'm going to do to you?"

"It's not right for you to do this," L murmured. "What have I done to you?"

"You've been hovering over me, observing everything I do," Light snarled. "You get suspicious if I cough or sneeze. Well, fuck you, Ryuuzaki. I've had enough."

Light yanked L's pants down forcefully and slowly pulled down his own zipper. He lifted L's hips off the ground and slammed into him.

L cried out with pain, despair written across his face. "No, Raito-kun," he whimpered. "Please…don't…stop."

"Don't stop?" Light inquired. "Okay."

Light pulled L up from the concrete and slammed him against the side of the car. He pinned L against the hood of the car and continued pounding into him.

L hissed in pain. "Don't do this, Raito-kun. I-ah!"

Light grinned. "Feels good, don't it?"

"It's still wrong," L insisted. "I-mmngh- didn't agree to this."

"Well, you're agreeing now."

L's face was a mask of agonized pleasure as he writhed under Light. "Ah-ah-Raito-kun!"

Light snickered as L slumped over the hood of the car. He zipped up his pants and let L roll off the hood of the car and sprawl naked across the driveway.

By the time Soichiro Yagami made it out of the task force, L and Light were fully dressed, seemingly haunted. L's eyes were haunted, but Soichiro didn't notice.

Soichiro sighed and glared at Matsuda. "Oh, so you weren't exaggerating, huh? Hey, Mogi, Aizawa, have you seen anything? What's gotten Matsuda all worked up? Hey, guys?"

Aizawa and Mogi were doing fairly good imitations of gaping caverns. They stood like statues, mouths dropped open and eyes wide with shock. The sponges lay forgotten at their feet.

"I swear, they were fighting and-and, Light was biting him!" Matsuda declared.

L leaned weakly against Light's side. "I couldn't stop him."

"What's going on?" Soichiro demanded.

"Nothing, Dad," Light growled. 'Come on, Ryuuzaki. Let's go. Get in the car, bitch." He shoved L into the passenger's side and then climbed into the car. He screeched out of the driveway and took off down the street.

"That was…interesting," L murmured. Over the radio, he could hear an APB being out for their car.

"Yeah, we haven't done anything like that in a long time," Light muttered. "But you did good."

L snuggled up against Light's arm. "We haven't done that in front of an audience before."

"But you did fine. They bought every second of it. In fact, they're even going to arrest us for it, that's how good it was." Light laughed.

"I never took you for being an exhibitionist," L murmured.

"And I never took you for being a masochist before you told me that you loved it when we beat each other to a pulp fighting."

L shrugged. "Raito-kun loves the sadistic role and I enjoy the masochistic role. It works out. And I must say, I did not mind the audience. I just found it very had to play along after Raito-kun had his way with me. You know sex makes me sleepy."

"It's the only thing in the world that makes you sleepy."

L kissed Light's forehead. "That's why I can't get enough of it."


End file.
